The Ballyfermot Blogger

In an off the cuff and impromptu interview yesterday the Taoiseacht Brian Cowan allegedly said that the solution to the Irish Banking management disgrace had come to him in a ‘ Lucid moment’ while chomping on some peanut and lard sanbitches (expensive GAA sandwich) while on the television popped up the Sky news story of Chinese Cat meat trade.

‘Fat Cats’ mummered Brian ‘Sure gotta put them in their place somehow and we could open a new trade link to China in the process too’

‘They owe us 7 Billion, now they must pay’ sniffed Brian ‘Whoo, this lard is a bit high’ but soon the images were back on the screen.

‘Yes cages, there’s enough to go around, yes billions could be made, very tasty billions’. ‘I guess we’ll see what the cat drags in now’ ho ho Brian chuckles to himself like a hungry Jabba ‘the Santa’ Hut

‘Preformance gauges will be needed to find out who is naughty and who is nice, some kind of yard stick method’, ‘So lets see you squeeze your way outta that one bloody fat hairy bandits’ he thought to himself, the kettle calling the pot black

‘Yes’  he thinks ‘I can picture it right now’ ’simple yet effective method for a shower of stupid fat cat bankers’ ’Ook ook’ he repeats in excitement like an excited silverback  ’ And the thanks and praise and glory will all be mine’ , ‘ I shall be draped in the Emperors new Regalia and finest attire and maybe even finally afford some liposuction on my face’ wobbleing his jowels with pork chop appeal

‘Mary wouldn’t like it though if she accidently made it onto my golden circle’ , ‘ I should book the colonic too perhaps’

The Bank is dead, long live the Banker

Thanks for voting on the poll, your wish is my command

Can you do better than my attempts….Just add a comment then, go on you know you want to.

1. “Talk to the Hand” ” Eh? What do you mean its a more attractive option”
2. “These are the Four Fat Fingers of the Apocalypse and the thumb is the economy”
3. “Trust me you don’t wanna know where the hand has been”
4. “The vicious rumour that I am losing weight stops right here”
5. “Mary, dont make me use ‘The Mighty Hand Of Slap’ ” again

The Taoiseach, a worried Brian Cowen took the risky move of “express(ing) his desire that the relationship would continue”  What’s this Brian, you’ve only just met the guy, calm down and “that it was now a mature, two-way relationship” Hold on just how long has this been going on? Holding back are we? Got secrets to tell, a couple of skeletons in the closet maybe?

“The Taoiseach also invited Mr Obama to visit Ireland”..Hmmm so its a sleep over then? “Mr Cowen also briefed Mr Obama” Is this some kind of Presidental weggie or special hand shake? “we have a very strong trade and investment relationship with the United States which is a two-way mutually beneficial operation” Mr Cowen said suddenly sounding very cold and professional while regaining his composure. So we go both ways then? Flexible aren’t we.

“Taoiseach had raised concerns about a possible reduction in the level of US Foreign Direct Investment into Ireland because of Mr Obama’s policies.”  Yes we make strange bed fellows of those who could possible have our arse on a plate, indeed, which also explains your motivation and these strange , out of context, statements

“During the election campaign, the President-elect proposed that 1pc of taxable income should be credited to employers who make their headquarters in the US.” This means that American Companies are encouraged to “return to Base” inside the Homeland boundaries

“There are 70,000 people employed by Irish owned companies in the United States. We have 510 US companies in Ireland employing over 96,000 directly.” So grievous and copious amounts of possible angry unemployed voters to satiate, possibly maybe. Just how far will one man go to ensure that the worst case scenario does not come to fruition is really down to the man himself, and the privacy of the Obama Ancestral home in Offaly.

Brian ” The horse of a beast of an animal of a man” Cowen or whatever you have to be, its not in your Job description but your gonna have to take one for Ireland if we are to succeed in this endeavor. All I can say is “fair play or not fair play that is the question” and good luck to you in your wooing strategy, enbiggen yourself Brian.

The story that spawned this view point is http://www.independent.ie/national-news/cowen-invites-obama-to-visit-ancestral-home-1544192.html , homour authors own