The Ballyfermot Blogger

Sorry to have to say this guys, especially if your French, but Henry is a dirty cheating Bar Steward. He handled the ball twice in the box before passing it for the goal that knocked Ireland out of the World Cup playoffs. Watch the replay it’s worst than ‘The hand of God’

Bye now you’ve figured out that I’m Irish and that girley socked big lipped french cheat I dislike intensely right now and his face on TV will be despised for generations to come.

France enjoy your World Cup, you don’t deserve anything and bye Jeysus I’m buttoning my lip right now. May the cheat of the night come back to haunt you and I will be there to congratulate the cur.

Henry, whatever you do don’t fall and brake you big girly lips and never wash your left hand again unless it goes straight to hell in case it was being baptised.

The hand of Lip will never rest until the justice of Irish World Cup Football is brought to bear.

A truely original adventure with the man who is a legend in his own pants all you gotta do is click the 6 separate images to hear the man in action, truely a musical fruity genius!

Meet the leader of the new ‘regime.. (of the) ..Fianna Fail dictatorship’ as Enda Kenny puts it ‘the people see this ..’ Hmmm.. I think the people see dumb people everywhere at the moment coming soon to a pole near you.

“The real issue of today is who is best equipped to get us through the situation now,” Mr Cowen said. building up a secret army then or are we just well stacked at the moment? And he said he would not shrink….in order to win votes. *cough* But “It’s going through a severe contraction.” yikes I’d see a doctor right away.

Cowen continues policies now being adopted “do not meet wide popular approval” Sure this is what Government is all about, after all Democracy is all about whatever suits the minority , for sure.

The Great Enda Kenny then stood to the fore and proclaims, surely at the risk of the firing squad , Mr Kenny said there had been apologies and accountability from top executives…“All accepted responsibilities for their actions; all resigned,”

“I’m sorry – the economy hasn’t crashed rebuked Mr Cowen

Mr Cowen said “swift and severe change in fortunes” could arrive in the night by the guardstappo possibly? Watch you back Enda, lock your doors.

He said he ‘didn’t accept the Government had blown the boom because everywhere he went he saw new hospitals and freshly-built schools and roads’  Propaganda fit for a Fascist nation?

“You presided over a regime that put banks and developers before the people,” the FG leader claimed.  Here here, Vote for Enda for the truth hurts Facists probably

Picture kindly taken from http://zioneocon.blogspot.com/ and this wonderful completely out of context story comes from the great Irish Independant website http://www.independent.ie/national-news/elections/i-had-planned-to-fix-economy-says-cowen-1745113.html .

God Bless Ireland ‘home of the brave and the land of the free facist ‘

If only my fiftieth post could have been on a more happy subject, but all the same its a dirty job but somebody gotta do it. The outbreak was discovered in Mexico on April 13th as a animal to human transfer, which is the normal way, but the disconcerting speed at which this disease has mutated into to a human to human varient it the most scary aspect, plus just how quickly the virus has spread: to three continents (America, Middle East and Australasia) within two weeks.

Facts a comparison of Flu

Deaths

Spanish Flu

Infection Rates 25 million in its first 25 weeks 20% or more of the world population suffering from the disease to some extent. Cause of death ‘A cytokine storm is a potentially fatal immune reaction consisting of a positive feedback loop between cytokines and immune cells, with highly elevated levels of various cytokines.’ In other words a healthly immune system is fooled into attacking the healthy host body. This is why so many young adults died as apposed to childern and older people lived; ironicly becase thay had weaker immune systems. Mortality rate 50% of all adults aged between 20 and 40.

Swine Flu

So far there has been Aprox: 2000 infections since April 13 when it emerged with maybe 80 deaths, it has spread very quickly from Mexico to America, then Isreal, New Zealand and today Canada. Mortality rates so far 4%.

Should the virus mutate again to a more deadly form, then we ahould all worry. Till then say your prayers. Watch this space for futher developments

NASA StarChild image of Stephen Hawking, 1999 With great respect to Stephen I wish him well on this night during his stay in Hospital Famous quotes from Stephen Hawking include taken from (http://thinkexist.com/quotes/stephen_hawking/)   “I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” “We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.” “I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.” “All the evidence shows that God was actually quite a gambler, and the universe is a great casino, where dice are thrown, and roulette wheels spin on every occasion” “When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have” The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.” “I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason” “Not only does God play dice, but… he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.” “To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.” “It matters if you just don’t give up” Information taken from answers.com
Born	8 January 1942 (1942-01-08) (age 67) Oxford, England
Residence	England
Nationality	British
Fields	Applied mathemathician Theoretical physicist
Institutions	University of Cambridge Perimeter Institute for Theoritical Physics
Alma mater	University of Oxford University of Cambridge
Doctoral advisor	Dennis Sciamal
Other academic advisors	Robert Berman
Doctoral students	Bruce Allen Fay Dowker Malcolm Perry Bernard Carr Gary Gibbons Raymond Laflamme Harvey Reall Don Page Tim Prestidge Raymond Laflamme Julian Luttrell
Known for	Black holes Theoretical cosmology Quantum gravity
Influences	Dikran Tahta
Notable awards	Prince of Asturias Award (1989) Copley Medal (2006)
Signature

Ooooh yeah baby, its sweet when a plan comes together! This is how you win and win big from you friendly local bookie

As it turns out the tipster refused to accept my money which forced me to go to the bookies myself meaning I had to to the following: include my family

My youngest (3) picks his favourite colour ‘Green’ as his horse, everybody else picks at random

So your placing your money down at the Bookies…

After placing your bets you leave, go home and wake up the next morning, you do what on day of the event?

You enjoy the race and while your watching..

 

They jump the final fence and

You not sure who finished fifth in the race but you may have to collect some winnings

You look expectingly at the bookie while he / she checks your docket

Grand National Result 2009

1. Mon Mome (L Treadwell) 100-1 (WINNER ‘GREEN HORSE’ MY YOUNGEST PICKED TAKEN AT 66/1 €5 ew)
2. Comply Or Die (T J Murphy) 14-1 (ew AT €5 TAKEN AT 8/1)
3. My Will (R Walsh) 8-1 (ew €5 TAKEN AT 7/1)
4. State of Play (Paul Moloney) 14-1 (NO BET)
5. Cerium 100-1 (€15 EW WON €900 ALONE TAKEN AT 250 / 1 WORTH MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE TOGETHER!!!)

TOTAL WINNINGS €1,350

So you see I did pick NO 2 radio button from all the above polls and this is my true story of how I beat the bookies and not a word of a lie, Dad your watching over me this weekend and God bless you! Burberys Bookies I thank you for being the ‘wrong bookies’ in the wrong place at the right time, cheers!

Here’s a nice picture set of Barack Obama at a meeting in England. Lets have you finest comments as our very own commentary on these pieces, I’ll start you off and you can join in the fun by writing comments! Come on lets have some fun!

 Picture 1                                                                   Picture 2

Picture 1 1) Brown: ‘ Is there any truth in the rumor?	Picture 2 1) Obama: ‘ No really Gordon my nose couldn’t really take another one’
2) This recession gonna put a hole in your pocket this big	2) Obama: ’ Gordon if you were fit like me then your arse wouldn’t get stuck ‘
3) Obama: ‘I command you to clap your hands’	3) Gordon: ‘ That false midget hand is good for a laugh Barack
4) No seriously, the rats in number 10 are huge	4) Invisible beer only cost us 2 trillion in black ops funding
5) It’s an old injury, I was left this way after trying to strangle Brian Cowan	5) Sorry Gordon your hand is a victim our new ‘Top Secret Weapon’ Glue spit and shake
6) I hear this much of you is Irish, when do you plan to remove it?	6) Obama ‘ I could claw you to death right now without losing the smile, takes years of practice’

                           

After examining the portrait for artist merit, Leading Art Director Angelo De’ Paddi stated that the naked image of the Taoiseach Brian Cowen must have come from a real life session. ” The unknown heroic and dashing antics of the reverse thief whom left the works of art in two seperate galleries were to be applauded” say Angelo. This could lead to a reversal of fortune for Ireland and Indeed a fortune if sold to the right minded source.

	Angelo De’ Paddi   ‘A very Important piece indeed’
		Brian ‘Jeysus  I do look well in it don’t I ?’ Angelo ‘Very lifelike indeed! ,did you pose for this?’
	Brian ‘I didn’t take me much to get into ‘ya know’ the mood’
		Brian ’Very Tasty’
	Angelo ‘You mean the Chinese dealers offer?’
		Brian ‘No, me nipples’

In an off the cuff and impromptu interview yesterday the Taoiseacht Brian Cowan allegedly said that the solution to the Irish Banking management disgrace had come to him in a ‘ Lucid moment’ while chomping on some peanut and lard sanbitches (expensive GAA sandwich) while on the television popped up the Sky news story of Chinese Cat meat trade.

‘Fat Cats’ mummered Brian ‘Sure gotta put them in their place somehow and we could open a new trade link to China in the process too’

‘They owe us 7 Billion, now they must pay’ sniffed Brian ‘Whoo, this lard is a bit high’ but soon the images were back on the screen.

‘Yes cages, there’s enough to go around, yes billions could be made, very tasty billions’. ‘I guess we’ll see what the cat drags in now’ ho ho Brian chuckles to himself like a hungry Jabba ‘the Santa’ Hut

‘Preformance gauges will be needed to find out who is naughty and who is nice, some kind of yard stick method’, ‘So lets see you squeeze your way outta that one bloody fat hairy bandits’ he thought to himself, the kettle calling the pot black

‘Yes’  he thinks ‘I can picture it right now’ ’simple yet effective method for a shower of stupid fat cat bankers’ ’Ook ook’ he repeats in excitement like an excited silverback  ’ And the thanks and praise and glory will all be mine’ , ‘ I shall be draped in the Emperors new Regalia and finest attire and maybe even finally afford some liposuction on my face’ wobbleing his jowels with pork chop appeal

‘Mary wouldn’t like it though if she accidently made it onto my golden circle’ , ‘ I should book the colonic too perhaps’

The Bank is dead, long live the Banker

Thanks for voting on the poll, your wish is my command

In the year 2000 Bush said
” Never again in the halls of Washington DC, do I want to have to make explanations that I can’t explain ”
Like what, explaining yourself?
” I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully ”
That is until the fish disovered oil

In 2001 he said
” When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt , It’s going to be decisive”
So those sneaky Iraqi camels were trying to trick you again eh Dubya

“in Washington, DC, we’ve got these Vampire-busting devices. A Vampire is a, a cell deal you can plug into the wall and charge your cell phone”
So when it’s fully charged you stab the Al Gore picture on the wall, through the heart, with it? Fun for idiots for only 20,000 US American Dollars

” The problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for entrepreneur”
So how would you say that in English then

In 2002
“There an old saying in Tennessee- I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee- that says, fool me once, shame on …shame on you. Fool me…. You can’t get fooled again
So your no fool then, for shameing a fool it would  only take an impromptu statement like this

2003
The Ambassador and the General were briefing me that the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice”
Does their peaceful world contain oil by any chance?

2004

” Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we ”
Say it like it is George

“Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destablilize their country”
That wouldn’t be your job then?

2005
” I’m looking forward to a good nights sleep on the soil of a friend”
who’s a dirty little birdy ?

2006
When asked what was his best moment in office so far he replied
“  When I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth Bass in my Lake ”
Which you then lovingly named Monica

2007
” All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone “
Sleeping on the enemy’s sofa again                                                                     

2008
“And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there’s jobs in the machine making place”
A how to survive the recession special that would put Brians plan to shame

2009
Final White House briefing
” Sometimes you misunderestimated me”
I think I’m undermistanding you all the time

I must recount my real life story of how I got home some 5 hours after I’d left work today, Monday 2nd Feburuary, at 5 o’clock. Me and the Missus travel to Clondalkin just off the Nangor Road to pick up our wee lad from his Aunt and Uncle as per usual a distance of no more than 3 miles.

Turning right to queue for Park West 20 minutes, moved 50 metres, u-turn back and go up past Tommys to drive past Days Hotel, within 10 minutes turning left now and we can see the Hotel. One Hour passes the blizard swirls and we can still see the Hotel, 30 more minutes pass and we finally hit the roundabout before Jackie Skellys, a man parks his jeep in futility on the path on the roundabout and walks to Jackies.

Fifteen minutes later up the hill and down the Nangor road turn left we finally arrive to pick up our little boy at 7.15pm

We leave after a quick bathroom break and drive torward th M50 slip road up the hill, all clear, then we travel down the slip, the traffic is backed up past the slip at a stand still, maybe Ten fourty foot trucks in our lane blocking our entry.

We gain entry, our little Boy falls asleep at 7.30pm, we crawl forward but only sometimes, It snows. Bolts binding the rails momentarily catch my eye as imaginary icicles and fade back to cold bolted steel. The wipers grind and swipe, the back of the car is cramped and my little boy protests in his sleep at his awkward sleeping position, I hold his hand, it is now 9.15pm and we are on the M50 bridge.

A motorist fall asleep at the wheel to our right, but unmoving. Cars facing the traffic are left abandoned on our left. We try to stay focused, where are we,  something beeps, we’re through the tolls, its 9.30pm. We queue for our slip exit 7 to Navan / Cavan, It approaches slowly we are in  the right lane.

We drive carefully up the slip road, but traffic stops us again, we start our accent, the wheels get caught in a groove, the engine revs and the anti skid technology kicks in making the car shudder, we don’t move. Second time, must not panic now, control that heartbeat, baby stirs as if detecting our worry, the car fishtails into the centre of the traffic pivoting on the front wheel drive, it wags back and forth stuck, traffic passes us on the right lane we came from, uncaring.

Third time, no luck, fourth time the car is willed forward as if shot from our beating hearts, jumping to a halt at the top of the slip, it is now 9.45pm

We heads home, no drive through the Town Centre to avoid the next slip road, good idea.

We get home at 10pm, we will not go to work tomorrow.

It snows some more, the babe finally sleeps after a story and his songs, it is 10.45pm, we feel closer now

 

My current record shown here video recorded click to play: 5259 meters, taken from this simple game Monkey Kick Off. If you wish to challenge me then post you record url code, in a comment to prove it, after you click challenge your monkey friends to get it. Try the challenge here

Play Game Ballyfermot Battle   

 

 

 Play Game Ballyfermot Space Cadet 

Thanks to DarrenB for introducing me to a great free tool

Can you do better than my attempts….Just add a comment then, go on you know you want to.

1. “Talk to the Hand” ” Eh? What do you mean its a more attractive option”
2. “These are the Four Fat Fingers of the Apocalypse and the thumb is the economy”
3. “Trust me you don’t wanna know where the hand has been”
4. “The vicious rumour that I am losing weight stops right here”
5. “Mary, dont make me use ‘The Mighty Hand Of Slap’ ” again

If you die laughing, don’t blame me!

Thanks to NathanK1 for this super funny video