January 12th, 2009“I’ve been on their sh** list quite a while now.”
I believe everyone in their life time will at one stage will eventually be confronted by a Mormon/LDS faith/latter day saint church member trying to sell their “religion” to them. Whether they come knocking at your door or calling you over on the street asking, “If you believe in Jesus Christ?” This sentence also seems to be an opening question for all Mormons trying to sell their “religion” to anyone who they greet. There is definitely a pattern there, they must do some sort of training course before they go out preaching or maybe have a little preaching manual other than the book of Mormon, Abraham and their bible. For those that have already been approach by Mormons recruiting I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
Now lets get started, my first encounter with the Mormons preaching was just a few years ago on O’Connell street outside the G.P.O. unfortunately. But I guess this spot is known for a lot of political and religious movements onto the public. Like if it’s not a fight outside the G.P.O. its pro –choice Christians and Catholics protesting with pickets against abortions, stem cell research and homosexuality or the Atheists protesting God is imaginary (yes, I am an Atheist) or the local friendly un-happy taxi drives protesting there not making enough money and finally you also have the Mormons selling their “religion” there. They must have it marked on a Google map or something. Back to my story, one the Mormons approached me asked, “If I believed in Jesus Christ”. I actually had to 
stop and think about it, since I was kind of only sixteen at the time and came from Catholic roots, but I always questioned my faith when I was a Catholic. But then I just looked at him and said, “No”. I probably should have proclaimed “I don’t know” just like an Agnostic, probably would have saved me from a debate and a debate I was unprepared for since I didn’t know much about the Mormon believes at the time. So he said to do you a have a few minutes, I said “yep, fire away”. (I should have said NO). So he continued to tell me about there beliefs, like about there about prophet Joseph smith and his connection to Jesus Christ and what there church can do for me, like save my soul. At this stage the taught of this is a ”CULT” was in the back of my mind and I better get out her but my pride got the better off me as soon as I heard the sentence save my soul. I just had to ask the obvious questions, why does my soul have to be saved and what makes you think my soul needs to be saved when you just met me less than five minutes ago. A huge smirk all of a sudden came across this guys face and he just turned to another Mormon that was there and chuckled, another taught was in the back of my mind now and it went something like “what a …..”, but looking the two of them it just reminded me of Bill & Ben the flower pot men so I held my tongue and when the Mormon looked back at me he replied, “because you have not accepted God, Jesus and Joseph smith and judgement day you will stand before these three and they are to be worshiped if you want to go to Kolob” (Kolob is the Mormon heaven, which is also a planet that doesn’t exist). My answer was clear and loud,” WTF”? Well at least that stunned his smirk and it was now my turn to smirk because it’s just bizarre. I just asked him has he got any physical proof to back up his acquisition and he held out his Mormon leaflets and said, here is my proof. I just said bye bye and walked off. And as I was walking of he said to me have faith in Jesus Christ for Jesus Christ loves you. But what I think he meant to say was;
(I took the U out of the picture)
So I got the hell out of there as quick as I could before I found myself at one of Bill & Ben parties wearing a bubble wrap suit with a name tag on it and drinking soda with a hint of rat poison.
That was the last I saw of Bill and the Ben the two flower pot men, but unforgently it wasn’t my last encounter with the Mormons but only the beginning. They even found me on the internet and tried to convert me there while I was asking questions on Christian and Atheist blogs or simply just writing on a forum website. Once again I made the mistake of replying to them, I didn’t think that they had the books of Mormonism on E-book. There E-books and news letters filled my inbox like crazy on a weekly basis. I have read some of the stuff the sent me but found really bizarre, I do like a good sci-fiction like star wars etc… But their believes are just barking mad. They will tell you a lot of stuff that is related to Christianity and there little twist to it just to get you to consider going to one of there churches but don’t tell you about the really bizarre stuff until later. Stuff like -
Bizarre Mormon Beliefs
1. Mormons believe god was a man and then Aliens made him a God.
2. God lives on a planet called Kolob.
3. That God got basically physical with Mary. So she was not a virgin.
4. Jesus and Satan are brothers.
5. Black people are black because they stayed neutral and didn’t decide between Jesus or Satan so they were cursed with black skin by Elohim.
6. The also believe Native Americans are Israelites.
7. That Joseph Smith is a descendant of Jesus.
8. That when they die, they will become the God of there own planet.
9. That you need to know the secret Mormon password which is a handshake of some sort for when you meet Elohim (God), Jesus and Joseph Smith.
10. That you are more likely to get into the celestial kingdom if you have at least 10 wives not just one.
11. It is a Mormon tradition to baptize the dead.
12. They believe that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri in the USA.
13. That dinosaur fossils were created by Satan to deceive the world about the truth of creation.
14. Satan controls all the water in the world.
15. Jesus was married and he had more than one wife and a bunch of kids.
16. That only Mormon men can perform miracles and only the men but the women could receives these miracles.
17. They wear weird white underwear/ spiritual armor.
The Mormon magic underwear
Mormons believe the magic underwear can protect them against the following:
• Knife attacks
• Bullets
• Satan
• Fire
• Etc…
(Don’t try this at home, you will get hurt)
Other weird things about Mormons:
• Many Mormons use fake swear words like Fetch and Flip and what the heck.
• Mormons tend to have large families.
• Many Mormons do not drink anything with caffeine, so Caffeine-free
• Most men (ages 19) and many women (ages 21) dedicate 2 years or 1.5
• years respectively to being missionaries and not only do they not receive
Pay, they pay to do it! There is no dating or movies or schooling during that time.
• They also do not choose where in the world they go. Pretty remarkable, really.
• Mormons are commanded to not drink alcohol, tea or coffee, smoke,
or use recreational drugs.
• Mormons are commanded to not have sex outside of the bonds of marriage.
• Mormons pay 10% of their income to the church as a tithe.
• Mormons who have been to the temple wear sacred undergarments as a
Symbol of covenants made there.
• Mormons meet for 3 hours every Sunday (that’s a lot of meetings!).
• Mormons believe in other scriptures in addition to the Bible, particularly The Book of Mormon.
• Mormons address each other as Brother and Sister.
• Mormons believe in a lay clergy and so they often have? Callings or responsibilities within the church. For example, they may teach Sunday school, direct the youth program, or perform other similar duties for which they are not paid.
How to say NO to a Mormon missionary…
By Darren B
Aka
Thanks for reading
Ah, I just got bored one day and decided to draw an imaginary friend for the post. Not bad for an Atheist though.
Anonymous
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Wow, what a first post! Jesus Christ how are you going to follow that? Oh hold on that was Joseph Smiths job, Oh yeah I forgot, I must be talking through my hat, eh. Southpark on Mormons http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LshjLS8VIiE