Benefit #4: Oxytocin heals wounding of earlier relationships

Oxytocin is the hormone of relational repair. Once we can experience in our bodies now a sense of safety and trust which allows us to take in a sense of connection and belonging right now, we are able to begin to cure the hole inside the heart from shortage or loss of connection back then.
We’re hardwired in our brainstem to be able to act in response with a separation stress reaction whenever we are all of a sudden cut off from a human association we rely upon for physical as well as mental survival and also emotional well-being. There are neural cells around the heart which are activated whenever we long to connect with another, and that’s why we experience a literal heartache when that yearning for connection is just not fulfilled.
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Whenever our longing for relationship and love is fulfilled (and any safe, loving relationship is capable of this, with a closest friend, a nurturing husband or wife or significant other, a cherished child or family pet, a caring grandparent or perhaps teacher in the third grade, a therapist, a spiritual figure such as Jesus, the Dalai Lama, or Quan Yin), the rest and repair capacity of oxytocin starts to work its healing miracle.
One of my personal clients in the beginning came to me with a horrendous generalized anxiety disorder. In our first session this individual reported the only way he could really feel protected in this world had been to imagine himself 6 feet underground before he had been born. After a while I realized one of the few places he actually had felt safe and sound was in a spiritual group where he could surrender himself to habits of devotion and transcendence. This surrender had not been escape or dissociation but a spiritual awakening reinforced by the oxytocin produced by just finding a safe haven within an accepting group. Over more time, he was able to experience equivalent safety with me, with his spouse, with a growing group of good friends, to recover his capacities to trust and also love others, to depend upon trust and love from them.
Is this restoration of a sense of security in relationship, belonging and love simple or guaranteed? No. Is it feasible, even after decades of solitude and depression? Absolutely yes.
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